To be content or not to be: that is the question.

Forgive the semi cynical nature of this blog.  No pity blog. Just all these thoughts in my mind and heart lately that I cannot seem to quiet them down.

I have long been praying and patiently waiting for God to bring my life partner to me.  At times I had thought I had found that person but for some reason or another it was just not meant to be.  As sad as it all is, God has a better plan that will surpass my wildest of dreams.  However, I find myself at times becoming incredibly cynical and just negative in the area of love.  I’m happy for all my friends and family who find their love and best friends... its the best thing and a true blessing.

Little ole Bekah at the age of 12 would have thought that by now I would have 3 kids and be a stay at home wife; well, reality is that isn’t how most stories turn out! I’m so glad mine didn’t.  I have been able to travel, create my own business, and be incredibly independent without the need of any man or their help.  I’m self sufficient and immensely proud of what I have accomplished and experienced in my 28years of life.

My life is not built around being in a relationship...everyone always asks me about my “dating life”.  Its just a question I am learning to brush off and change the subject.  I do not need to be defined by another person or by the status of a relationship.  I am so thankful that women these days are discovering their inner power and strength.  It is not necessary by todays standards to be married by 20 and start popping out kids; or at least it should not be.

My prayer as of late has been one of asking the Lord for contentment.  I am at a point in my life where I’m glad I have come this far and now I finally feel like even though I am not in need of my other half, I just long for him.  I pray daily for him and for our future.  My devotion the other day was absolutely loud and clear from the Lord.. it read: LEAVE THE OUTCOME TO ME.  Follow me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out.  Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your guide and companion.   Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me.  When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with my help.. When we come to a resting place, take time to be refreshed in my presence.. Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to me.

You already know the ultimate destination of your journey; your entrance into heaven.  So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me.

How true is that!  My ultimate goal and destination is HEAVEN with someone who could and does love me more than any person on this earth ever could come close to.  How encouraging is that?  It brought me back to a place of being humble.  

I still daily struggle with yearning and sadness as I wait for God’s plan but I have to remember and be content that God has me where I am for a reason.

My pleading is to just be CONTENT.  It is so incredibly hard.  Its so easy to give into wondering what happened, why me, why did that transpire?  Questions, jealousy, and resentment set in.

It is imperative that we keep our eyes on God when we start to veer away from our Father who grants every desire of our heart if we just follow and trust Him.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:!1

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Oh, humbling experience.

So, its totally been like two years since I have even blogged.. Not quite sure what made me remember that I had a blog but something did and so I looked it up to see if I could find it and I did.  Clearly I began to go back and read all the blogs I have previously written....well, I didn't realize I had written so many!! haha :)

However, I will say that going back and reading....old Bekah definitely had some wise words for the current Bekah.  Sometimes, our own perspective is what helps us eventually in the long run.  Reminding ourselves of little treasures we used to know and trust in and it makes us realize that yeah....even then I was going to be ok. Even in that darker moment in life I persevered and look where I am today.  I survived it.  Everyone definitely has a story all their own....when I was a little girl, I never realized how much in this little life I have lived so far all I would go thru.  Some of it I brought on to myself and others it was just life happening.  Every single thing in my life that I have survived or experienced be it humbling or terrifying, God has used it all in one way or another.  One experience took 10yrs for me to see the reason but I finally saw it when God needed me to...actually, I have yet to find a reason for things to happen that I won't ever understand because God always has a way of showing me that "ahhh that is why.." what is a little suffering and waiting we do in this life compared to the suffering and waiting He endured for us?  Nothing compared.

Sometimes it is good for us to journal or blog or whatever it may be when we are going through things so we can look back and reflect one day at all the good that has come from that place.  So many defining moments in our life - we can choose to look back as all negative or start to choose to see that all that bad stuff is always turned into something good.  I wont lie, some things in my past are incredibly hard to forgive and see the good in it...but, there is.  Just remembering that no matter how bad or good it is God loves you and He knows.  God holds no judgement against you and he holds no grudges.  Just seeing my past blogs and remembering how I didn't think that I would make it past that makes me choke up seeing that I DID and that God never left me during that whole time even if I left him for a bit.  He didn't give up and neither should we. :)