Oh, 2am..... i'm awake.. that never happens typically. I suppose its been one of them days and i'm wide awake!! Just thinkin about life and all thats going on... not to mention I finally got some laundry going!!! Its way looong over due :)
I should be trying to sleep, but too much is running thru this lil brain of mine.
Just thinking about all the highs and lows of life.... wondering why it is that so many thing can go right, and then one bad thing that happens and it just crumbles everything else.
On the flip side, several bad things can happen and then one good thing happens and it eases the pain of all the other things that happened.
More often than not though, all the bad tends to be focused on a whole lot more... all the negativity and doubts seem to cloud your mind. Even if your laughing and participating in other things, in the back of your mind you are still thinking about that one (or more) thing that is holding you back.
I don't like second guessing myself... I don't like having doubts about my life, my choices, or anything. Its so hard to remain strong and firm in what you think you believe and know to be true.
I don't like being scared about the future... I don't want to be thinking about how life is now, and wondering if it will change. Because change is inevitable. It scares me to think about it.
I'm scared to see how our world is changing. All the crazy things going on... like bullying, drugs, Charlie Sheen losing his mind.. and tonight on the news, youtube videos of girls fighting is all the rage. Its just not how God created, nor intended the world to be. Its changing. Every second. Most of it isn't even good.
It scares and disgusts me how we are so far from God and how we are so far from what he created and wanted us to be.
No one in this life is hardly ever satisfied... they are not happy. They act out in ways that are completely irrational and sometimes psychotic.
Its sad to me that even most of the people who claim to be christians are typically the worst kind! I'm not far from this description... I have failed in so many ways to show how God is.. how a christian should be. I'm not the best example, and its sad to me that most people (because of my example and the examples of others) do not see what the difference is in living the life of Christ than living your typical human every day life.
That is something that needs to change... that would be a good change. Some sacrifices would have to be made but we should totally put forth that effort to be the best we can be no matter what. God died on the cross to save us, to forgive us of our sins, and to take on our sins and die. And how do we, the world, the human race repay him? By living immorally, killing other people... abusing drugs..fighting..all the hatred, jealousy, and selfishness. :( its all so sad and disturbing.
Crazy all the things that go through my mind after one bad day!!!!!!!! So glad its over :)
Ughhh....on a side note.. and to end on a good note. :) I have an amazing family and boyfriend who keep me totally grounded and bring so much joy to my life. I know my family is always going to be there through thick and thin, through all the good and bad times... they make me laugh, they make me smile, they make me mad, and make me go all Lucy on them... they save me and they love me!! I'm so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing family who lead such awesome lives and good examples for how we should live. My parents are the most amazing role models and definitely help try to keep me on track and guide me in life and aspire to be like them when i'm older....
My sisters make me laugh and probably keep me more grounded than anyone haha by letting me know I'm definitely not better than the next person. :) I'm so grateful for the relationships that we share and that they are two young women I am proud of.
My Ian too, is always there for me and my best friend!!!! I've never known a love this way before and it truly gives me hope that there are people out there that you can trust..you can fully be who you are and still be loved and accepted. Its crazy to think about all the wonderful qualities Ian has and how amazing our connection and relationship is.. I didn't think i'd be this lucky!!!
and I cannot leave out my MAX! He is the most precious thing to ever happen to me and even though he is a puppy he is the most special little guy and God definitely tugged at my heart to go just "check out" the puppies at the pet store in Honduras. Doggies are so not me, but poor Max won me over. He makes me smile when no one else can, and just his little snuggles and waggy little tail when he see's me just makes me heart jerk and I love him so much!
It feels so good to stop and reflect on those blessings after such a bad day!!!!!! :) I never thought I'd be so lucky to have all the people in my life stated above.. I love you all so much! Thank you for making this crazy life a little less scary, and a little bit easier to get through. Thank you for always being there for me and loving me, supporting me, and giving me hope!
So glad to have these little diamonds in my life hidden amongst the dirt and rocks.
And now, between watching tv and doing laundry and blogging, its 3:30am and TIME FOR SLEEP! :) Hopefully, anyways! :)
