I haven't blogged lately..... haha. Just have had so much going on, just not time. :)
Lately God has really been dealing with me on time and waiting.... I was having another lovely talk with my friend Carissa, and usually when I am talking to her I have like a million epiphany's...i end up answering my own questions before I even really ask them.
I was explaining to her how like, I hate waiting to hear back from people... as everyone knows, I'm a quick/expert texter :) and I just get anxious waiting on hearing from people... you go from talking constantly, to no talking and the wait is just like crazy... and even when you are waiting for someone to come hang out or just see them its like... ughh the waiting is terrible!
Well, isn't God the same way? How we can pour into Him all the time and talk constantly and then all of a sudden stop... isn't God anxiously awaiting for our next "text message" or phone call or time to hang out? We get so caught up in all the little things and forget about him.... I am such a victim of this because I do it so often and I hate that. I get so filled up on Jesus and talk to Him and have this constant interaction and then I just abruptly stop sometimes and go weeks without reading my Bible... God misses me! He misses me reading His love letter to me.
We need to always strive to be in His daily love letter to us... He awaits for us and so patiently because He loves us.
Every song that keeps playing around me is constantly saying "All I need is You, Lord"... and things of that nature.. and its true. All I need is God... I don't need to fill my time up waiting to hear from people or waiting to go out... or anything like that. No one can fulfill me in life, love, and spirit like Jesus... all I need IS God and all He wants is for me to realize that.
So, lets daily read His love letter, and daily "send a text" to our Father in Heaven :) He's waiting to hear from us! The Lord of the UNIVERSE is waiting on YOU! Does that NOT blow your mind?!?!?! :)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The Roots Of God
Ok... so I went walking today at the Umstead Park. God led me to this big rock beside a brook and surrounded by trees.
I was just journaling and just writing down so many feelings and emotions that I have been dealing with the last few months...and I just asked God to please, meet me... speak to me... show me something I need to hear from Him. So, I shut off my ipod and put down my pen... and just sat there.. looking around. Just seeing God in everything he made... the leaves.. the color of the leaves..the rocks. how the water was flowing over the rocks, making that relaxing rushing noise of water trickling down.... then I get my phone out to take a few pictures to capture the moments, and I turn around and look through the camera on my phone and behind me is a wall of dirt... and on top of that wall of dirt was a tree, and underneath it were the roots.. they ran deep. Its amazing that God spoke to me through a tree...because what instantly came to my mind spoke deep into my heart of hearts; into my soul.
I instantly started journaling and this is what God spoke to me.
The act (thought) = seed. It could be a seed of whatever you want... a seed of hatred, love, bitterness, happiness, etc.
After, the seed is planted in your heart.... after that act or thought or whatever it is. Who plants it? Satan. We allow it.
Who showers it? We do. How? By acting on the same thing that gave us the seed. Sinful repetition. Then it grows. The more we sin, the bigger the seed, the deeper it goes and grows. Sometimes it takes years for it to grow, but its still there. What grows from our seed? A tree.... we can plant many, many different types of seeds in our hearts, which produce different types of outcomes : trees.
(this is the actual picture i took of the root that was behind me....)
The ground is the foundation. The seed is planted deep within the heart of the foundation. Then it grows... it grows up, and it grows down..deep into the ground. Then a plant starts to surface. Then out comes a tree... and over years it grows and it grows.
The ground is our thoughts/actions. The seed is planted in our heart (deep into the ground). When a plant comes to the surface, is when our actions come to the surface... our heart and feelings start to surface, and we start showing what is on the inside - reaping what we sewed. Over years it becomes/consumes us.. it becomes part of who we are - defining how we are with others, with ourselves, and with Our God. People can then see what has been deep inside of our hearts.
I currently have a forest of trees in my heart. Some right now, not so good... and they run deep. Especially, the seeds of bitterness, jealousy, borderline hatred.... envy, despise, hurt, guilt, lust, resentment, malice, refusing to forgive..... I have let them run so deep, and showered them for so long, that I now have let the roots begin to overrun my forest of anything that had good in it. Any lush, beautiful, and healthy trees and flowers that God planted/wants to plant in my life. I feel the roots of evil wrapping its way around my heart...constricting it from allowing God in to heal me and cut me loose.
I have to let God come in and plow down the evil forrest that Satan is trying to so hard overrun anything good that I have in me that Jesus wants to use for His glory. I need to let God chop down those trees, uproot them, and make them into firewood... burn it to ashes.
Then I can allow the fruits and trees that God wants to plant in my heart: love, honesty, forgiveness, mercy, grace, happiness, selflessness, truth, prosperity, hope, promise, willingness, humble, and a plethora of amazing things that God wants to plant in my heart, mind, and soul.
(and this was the forest of trees behind me, and the tree from that root)
For the root of ALL evil is sin... we need to let GOD put roots in our hearts... for God is the root of ALL things good.
So, let GOD plant the seed in your heart.... allow him to cut down and uproot whatever you are allowing to grow deep inside... let Him be the designer and landscaper of your LIFE.
I was just journaling and just writing down so many feelings and emotions that I have been dealing with the last few months...and I just asked God to please, meet me... speak to me... show me something I need to hear from Him. So, I shut off my ipod and put down my pen... and just sat there.. looking around. Just seeing God in everything he made... the leaves.. the color of the leaves..the rocks. how the water was flowing over the rocks, making that relaxing rushing noise of water trickling down.... then I get my phone out to take a few pictures to capture the moments, and I turn around and look through the camera on my phone and behind me is a wall of dirt... and on top of that wall of dirt was a tree, and underneath it were the roots.. they ran deep. Its amazing that God spoke to me through a tree...because what instantly came to my mind spoke deep into my heart of hearts; into my soul.
I instantly started journaling and this is what God spoke to me.
The act (thought) = seed. It could be a seed of whatever you want... a seed of hatred, love, bitterness, happiness, etc.
After, the seed is planted in your heart.... after that act or thought or whatever it is. Who plants it? Satan. We allow it.
Who showers it? We do. How? By acting on the same thing that gave us the seed. Sinful repetition. Then it grows. The more we sin, the bigger the seed, the deeper it goes and grows. Sometimes it takes years for it to grow, but its still there. What grows from our seed? A tree.... we can plant many, many different types of seeds in our hearts, which produce different types of outcomes : trees.
The ground is the foundation. The seed is planted deep within the heart of the foundation. Then it grows... it grows up, and it grows down..deep into the ground. Then a plant starts to surface. Then out comes a tree... and over years it grows and it grows.
The ground is our thoughts/actions. The seed is planted in our heart (deep into the ground). When a plant comes to the surface, is when our actions come to the surface... our heart and feelings start to surface, and we start showing what is on the inside - reaping what we sewed. Over years it becomes/consumes us.. it becomes part of who we are - defining how we are with others, with ourselves, and with Our God. People can then see what has been deep inside of our hearts.
I currently have a forest of trees in my heart. Some right now, not so good... and they run deep. Especially, the seeds of bitterness, jealousy, borderline hatred.... envy, despise, hurt, guilt, lust, resentment, malice, refusing to forgive..... I have let them run so deep, and showered them for so long, that I now have let the roots begin to overrun my forest of anything that had good in it. Any lush, beautiful, and healthy trees and flowers that God planted/wants to plant in my life. I feel the roots of evil wrapping its way around my heart...constricting it from allowing God in to heal me and cut me loose.
I have to let God come in and plow down the evil forrest that Satan is trying to so hard overrun anything good that I have in me that Jesus wants to use for His glory. I need to let God chop down those trees, uproot them, and make them into firewood... burn it to ashes.
Then I can allow the fruits and trees that God wants to plant in my heart: love, honesty, forgiveness, mercy, grace, happiness, selflessness, truth, prosperity, hope, promise, willingness, humble, and a plethora of amazing things that God wants to plant in my heart, mind, and soul.
For the root of ALL evil is sin... we need to let GOD put roots in our hearts... for God is the root of ALL things good.
So, let GOD plant the seed in your heart.... allow him to cut down and uproot whatever you are allowing to grow deep inside... let Him be the designer and landscaper of your LIFE.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Mi Universo/My Universe
Mi Universo
My Universe
Que seas mi universo
no quiero darte solo un rato de mi tiempo
no quiero separate un día solamente
Que seas mi universo
no quiero darte mis palabras como gotas
quiero un diluvio de alabanzas en mi boca
You're my world
I do not want to give you just a bit of my time
I do not want to separate one day only
You're my world
I do not want to give you my word as droplets
I want a flood of praise in my mouth
Que seas mi universo
Que seas todo lo que siento y lo que pienso
Que seas el primer aliento en la mañana
y la luz en mi ventana
You're my world
You're all that I feel and what I think
You're the first breath in the morning
and light in my window
Que seas mi universo
Que llenes cada uno de mis pensamientos
Que tu presencia y tu poder sean mi alimento
oh Jesús es mi deseo
You're my world
To fill each of my thoughts
Your presence and your power will be my food
oh Jesus is my desire
Que seas mi universo
no quiero darte solo parte de mis años
te quiero dueño de mi tiempo y de mi espacio
You're my world
I do not want to give you only part of my years
I want you (as the) owner of my time and my space
Que seas mi universo
no quiero hacer mi voluntad quiero agradarte
y cada sueño que hay en mi quiero entregarte
You're my world
I do not want to make my will I want to like/please you
and every dream there is inside of me I want to give you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NL1nZF3EnOQ
(check out the song here - even if it is in spanish its incredibly beautiful)
Only one of the best songs you could ever, ever hear in spanish. On the worship part that is.. there are a plethora of spanish songs I LOOOOOVE but they are mostly romantic songs by Sin Bandera or Camila. :) :)
This week has been a million emotions... excited, sad, happy, upset, anxious, hopeful..... I learned this week that I hold a lot of anger towards a lot of people/things and I need to try and let go of all of that... its so hard though. This song has been stuck in my head since last night and I just can't stop listening to the words and meditating on them. They ring so loud and true and so pure and so how we should feel every single day.
I need to give God every part of me... every thought, every desire, every wish, every hope, ever despair, every crack in my heart, everything..... do not hold on to anything. I can't control anything, and the more Jesus has of ME the less I have of ME and thats how it should be. Jesus IS IT! Not me.. not you.... not anything. Its just the Lord Jesus... he is everything and in everything. I hate how I wander so far from this mindset and get caught up in my flesh... dying to self everyday is incredibly hard and God is showing me that is the one thing I need to break in my life... because it is consuming me.
Oh, Jesus please help me to fall - and when I fall, it will be at your feet and you will pick me up and hold me and help me through - and it will all be ok.
On a side note... I totally feel like I should be at the beach.. God wants me to have the sand between my toes, the salty wind against my face, and that little spray of water carried by the wind from the waves that are breaking at my feet.
Now, I just need to be able to make it there!!!! Too much working and not enough down time. That has GOT to change.. for my sanity and the sanity of others. :)
My Universe
Que seas mi universo
no quiero darte solo un rato de mi tiempo
no quiero separate un día solamente
Que seas mi universo
no quiero darte mis palabras como gotas
quiero un diluvio de alabanzas en mi boca
You're my world
I do not want to give you just a bit of my time
I do not want to separate one day only
You're my world
I do not want to give you my word as droplets
I want a flood of praise in my mouth
Que seas mi universo
Que seas todo lo que siento y lo que pienso
Que seas el primer aliento en la mañana
y la luz en mi ventana
You're my world
You're all that I feel and what I think
You're the first breath in the morning
and light in my window
Que seas mi universo
Que llenes cada uno de mis pensamientos
Que tu presencia y tu poder sean mi alimento
oh Jesús es mi deseo
You're my world
To fill each of my thoughts
Your presence and your power will be my food
oh Jesus is my desire
Que seas mi universo
no quiero darte solo parte de mis años
te quiero dueño de mi tiempo y de mi espacio
You're my world
I do not want to give you only part of my years
I want you (as the) owner of my time and my space
Que seas mi universo
no quiero hacer mi voluntad quiero agradarte
y cada sueño que hay en mi quiero entregarte
You're my world
I do not want to make my will I want to like/please you
and every dream there is inside of me I want to give you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NL1nZF3EnOQ
(check out the song here - even if it is in spanish its incredibly beautiful)
Only one of the best songs you could ever, ever hear in spanish. On the worship part that is.. there are a plethora of spanish songs I LOOOOOVE but they are mostly romantic songs by Sin Bandera or Camila. :) :)
This week has been a million emotions... excited, sad, happy, upset, anxious, hopeful..... I learned this week that I hold a lot of anger towards a lot of people/things and I need to try and let go of all of that... its so hard though. This song has been stuck in my head since last night and I just can't stop listening to the words and meditating on them. They ring so loud and true and so pure and so how we should feel every single day.
I need to give God every part of me... every thought, every desire, every wish, every hope, ever despair, every crack in my heart, everything..... do not hold on to anything. I can't control anything, and the more Jesus has of ME the less I have of ME and thats how it should be. Jesus IS IT! Not me.. not you.... not anything. Its just the Lord Jesus... he is everything and in everything. I hate how I wander so far from this mindset and get caught up in my flesh... dying to self everyday is incredibly hard and God is showing me that is the one thing I need to break in my life... because it is consuming me.
Oh, Jesus please help me to fall - and when I fall, it will be at your feet and you will pick me up and hold me and help me through - and it will all be ok.
On a side note... I totally feel like I should be at the beach.. God wants me to have the sand between my toes, the salty wind against my face, and that little spray of water carried by the wind from the waves that are breaking at my feet.
Now, I just need to be able to make it there!!!! Too much working and not enough down time. That has GOT to change.. for my sanity and the sanity of others. :)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Best day
Today has been one for the records! I was able to get my haircut by the lovely Teresa, and then while she was cutting it, I possibly received the BEST phone call... my divorce OFFICIALLY went through and I am SINGLE! AHHHHH So excited! :)
Its "officially" over legally, but thank you Jesus for healing me and letting it be truly over in my heart for a very long time.
I am so overwhelmed at how blessed and spared I am. My life could have gone a million different ways but thank you Jesus that you spared me and I am where I am today.
I look forward to all that He has for me - I am completely open and willing!!!!!
On a side note... the stars have been incredibly amazing lately.... I want to go star gazing and get a *snuggle buddy*, *hot chocolate, blankets, binoculars, and spend all night.... geez, when's the next meteor shower?!?!? Those were the best.... I miss them! I need to find a good place around here thats open and zero lights at all.
Thats when I feel closest to God... looking at the stars.. and being at the beach of course.. or on top of a mountain. :) aka, anything outdoors!!!!!
Well, I SHOULD be going to bed, but I am sooo hyped up! I am so ready for the weekend though... hopefully, I can catch up on my rest then. What a loooong week! 67hrs is killer...but who's counting? ;)
Tip for the week: Whatever your circumstance, just trust that God will deliver you from the situation and bring many many blessings from that! Be forever thankful and grateful to God for what He does for us and has done.
Thank you Lord Jesus for answering my prayers and blessing my soul and touching my heart!
Its "officially" over legally, but thank you Jesus for healing me and letting it be truly over in my heart for a very long time.
I am so overwhelmed at how blessed and spared I am. My life could have gone a million different ways but thank you Jesus that you spared me and I am where I am today.
I look forward to all that He has for me - I am completely open and willing!!!!!
On a side note... the stars have been incredibly amazing lately.... I want to go star gazing and get a *snuggle buddy*, *hot chocolate, blankets, binoculars, and spend all night.... geez, when's the next meteor shower?!?!? Those were the best.... I miss them! I need to find a good place around here thats open and zero lights at all.
Thats when I feel closest to God... looking at the stars.. and being at the beach of course.. or on top of a mountain. :) aka, anything outdoors!!!!!
Well, I SHOULD be going to bed, but I am sooo hyped up! I am so ready for the weekend though... hopefully, I can catch up on my rest then. What a loooong week! 67hrs is killer...but who's counting? ;)
Tip for the week: Whatever your circumstance, just trust that God will deliver you from the situation and bring many many blessings from that! Be forever thankful and grateful to God for what He does for us and has done.
Thank you Lord Jesus for answering my prayers and blessing my soul and touching my heart!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Healthy/Vacay or Bust!
Ok.. maybe this will hold me accountable. :)
I am starting tomorrow on my starbucks fast :( :( :( this is completely going to be INCREDIBLY difficult for me. :( But, its making me so uncomfortable after I drink it and I don't want that anymore.
I also am realizing how unhealthy I am and have been lately.... I need to get back into shape and start eating right and working out again. God wants me to be healthy :)
So, starting tomorrow.. I am cutting out just about half of what I'm eating,
MY COFFEE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am starting tomorrow on my starbucks fast :( :( :( this is completely going to be INCREDIBLY difficult for me. :( But, its making me so uncomfortable after I drink it and I don't want that anymore.
I also am realizing how unhealthy I am and have been lately.... I need to get back into shape and start eating right and working out again. God wants me to be healthy :)
So, starting tomorrow.. I am cutting out just about half of what I'm eating,
MY COFFEE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Hopefullly, by blogging this I can hold myself more accountable to this all. :)
On a side note... I had an incredible opportunity to learn under the amazinggg Carla Ross this weekend!!!!!!!!! She is an incredible hair artist and to learn from her was unforgettable!
Cant wait to put my new skillz to work. :)
Butttt, even though I enjoy hair... I NEED A BREAK! I need a vacation! My goal is to work really hard this holiday season and take off for like..................... a month! hahahaha... just want to be able to relax. but I'm going somewhere tropical so I need to be bikini ready :) in comes the reasoning for eating better and working out.. I want to truly enjoy my vacay and look good :)
ok...off to bed I go, dreaming of my Belize. :)
Friday, November 5, 2010
Hard Heart vs. A Back Bone
Lately, I have been finding myself wondering how you can get a back bone and not harden your heart at the same time?
Its so hard to stand up for yourself, and not come across as being rude or mean. Having a hard heart is such a bad thing to do, because breaking that hardness comes with a price and doesn't come easy.
Our heart is an incredibly precious thing. Its a gift. We must guard it and take care of it and try to make it be the heart God intended to be. He doesn't give it to us so we can use it for evil... so we can just turn it into an icy, cold mess. He didn't give it to us for us to hold our harshness, or keep our love from others. Our hearts are supposed to be tender and sensitive to the needs of others.
However, when others are responding in the opposite way, offending and harsh, how is it that we can guard ourselves against it? How can we protect ourselves from being crushed and scarred?
Its an inevitable thing, that you are going to get your heart broken. You are going to get it scarred. You are going to get hurt. I don't know of anyway to get around it... but in those times are when you learn the most from God. But, for the most part, we tend to hardened our hearts towards certain people/areas and turn cold. We run. We put our hearts back in the box that God gifted us with when we were made and close it back up.
I fall into this category all too well..
My mom has always described it as me always going back into my castle. I can hide in this big castle and no one can get to me.
I put my heart in my "castle walls made of stone", where I can see people in the fields around me....I have my moat and no one can trespass unless I let down the gate. I stand at the top of my tower, and I see everyone and keep them at a distance...its safe there.. it may be cold, but its safe. If its a castle, obviously there is no light...but if God is our light and our salvation, how can we reside in such circumstances? We cannot.
But it is so hard to not jump back inside.... so hard not to reel back in the chains that are letting down that gate to let people inside. Its easier to keep that gate up and not put forth the effort to let it down.
How can we find the balance between the two? Hardened heart vs. Being strong for your heart
We can only pray that God would give us the wisdom and discernment between the two. I always find myself guarding it in the wrong way, and shielding off people because I am always disappointed.
However, that is wrong.. what if one day you shield off the wrong person, and that is someone who God has put in your path - well, who am I kidding?!?! Everyone is put in your path for a reason... so we shouldn't do that to anyone (within reason! aka. don't befriend someone who is crossing the line... just pray for them!).
Everything happens for a reason, everyone happens for a reason.... everyone is there for a reason. God gives and God takes away. We learn.. we live... we are supposed to love.
Thank you Jesus for not assuming how we are, and who we are, and what we will do! Thank you for knowing and accepting even when you knew before we were created all that was going to happen and you love us in spite of it all!!!!!!
Thank you for NOT guarding Your heart against us when we have wronged you. Where would we be without YOUR LOVE?!?!?!
So, pray to God to show you how YOU are supposed to love and trust. Its not easy, but maybe let down the gate and have a feast in your castle, and you might just be surprised about the many wonderful things that come from that. Thank you Jesus that WE are not the ones to guard our hearts - You guard it for us.
I am loved by my Father.. I am loved as Your daughter.. I am held by your spirit and in your arms I can run.. I am scarred and I am broken.. my own strength I have none.. still I am loved by my Father and in HIS arms I will run.
Its so hard to stand up for yourself, and not come across as being rude or mean. Having a hard heart is such a bad thing to do, because breaking that hardness comes with a price and doesn't come easy.
Our heart is an incredibly precious thing. Its a gift. We must guard it and take care of it and try to make it be the heart God intended to be. He doesn't give it to us so we can use it for evil... so we can just turn it into an icy, cold mess. He didn't give it to us for us to hold our harshness, or keep our love from others. Our hearts are supposed to be tender and sensitive to the needs of others.
However, when others are responding in the opposite way, offending and harsh, how is it that we can guard ourselves against it? How can we protect ourselves from being crushed and scarred?
Its an inevitable thing, that you are going to get your heart broken. You are going to get it scarred. You are going to get hurt. I don't know of anyway to get around it... but in those times are when you learn the most from God. But, for the most part, we tend to hardened our hearts towards certain people/areas and turn cold. We run. We put our hearts back in the box that God gifted us with when we were made and close it back up.
I fall into this category all too well..
My mom has always described it as me always going back into my castle. I can hide in this big castle and no one can get to me.
I put my heart in my "castle walls made of stone", where I can see people in the fields around me....I have my moat and no one can trespass unless I let down the gate. I stand at the top of my tower, and I see everyone and keep them at a distance...its safe there.. it may be cold, but its safe. If its a castle, obviously there is no light...but if God is our light and our salvation, how can we reside in such circumstances? We cannot.
But it is so hard to not jump back inside.... so hard not to reel back in the chains that are letting down that gate to let people inside. Its easier to keep that gate up and not put forth the effort to let it down.
How can we find the balance between the two? Hardened heart vs. Being strong for your heart
We can only pray that God would give us the wisdom and discernment between the two. I always find myself guarding it in the wrong way, and shielding off people because I am always disappointed.
However, that is wrong.. what if one day you shield off the wrong person, and that is someone who God has put in your path - well, who am I kidding?!?! Everyone is put in your path for a reason... so we shouldn't do that to anyone (within reason! aka. don't befriend someone who is crossing the line... just pray for them!).
Everything happens for a reason, everyone happens for a reason.... everyone is there for a reason. God gives and God takes away. We learn.. we live... we are supposed to love.
Thank you Jesus for not assuming how we are, and who we are, and what we will do! Thank you for knowing and accepting even when you knew before we were created all that was going to happen and you love us in spite of it all!!!!!!
Thank you for NOT guarding Your heart against us when we have wronged you. Where would we be without YOUR LOVE?!?!?!
So, pray to God to show you how YOU are supposed to love and trust. Its not easy, but maybe let down the gate and have a feast in your castle, and you might just be surprised about the many wonderful things that come from that. Thank you Jesus that WE are not the ones to guard our hearts - You guard it for us.
I am loved by my Father.. I am loved as Your daughter.. I am held by your spirit and in your arms I can run.. I am scarred and I am broken.. my own strength I have none.. still I am loved by my Father and in HIS arms I will run.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Anger Management
Ok so... this may not be news to most of you, but I soooo need anger management. I need a better outlook on life. I need to stop being so negative. I need to be more thankful. I need to be more gracious, more understanding. I need to not be jealous. I need to not be selfish. I need to stop being so quick to anger. I need to stop assuming. I need to learn contentment and peace. I need to learn how to love....be happy for people.
AHHHH!!!! I'm so fed up with myself! I'm tired of letting others define who I am, guilt trip me into being somebody and doing things I DO NOT WANT TO DO! No one else does it for you, so why should I? I'm tired of playing the games and just being "convenient" for other people. I'm not a doormat, I am not your tissue rag, I am NOT your last resort.
I let things just build up, and keep building until they explode and I embarrass myself. I need to learn how to keep myself in check and not let things get to me so badly like they do. People are just looking out for number one, they do not care about you or your issues or your anything unless it is convenient or benefiting them.
I, too, am like this for other people... I try not to be. However, I just always jump to conclusion and feel like I use people for my benefit - i don't want to... its how our sinful nature is. We let it win.
I struggle to wonder if there is any good in the world. I let all the people who don't really matter control and define how I look at myself. I should not! Who is the person who says I am or am not pretty? I am or am not fat? I am or am not stupid? I talk to much? I'm annoying?
Nobody.... you are supposed to define yourself in Christ.... we fall so short of that and just get preoccupied with how others view us and then we BELIEVE it! Oh how sad.
No entiendo porque estamos creendo en las cosas que no tienen significa en este vida!
Oh how good it feels to vent. :) I wish I could be such more of a positive, genuine person. I don't like or take joy in hurting peoples feelings, or being jealous... I wish I could be genuine and happy and thankful for people and things. God is so holy and gracious to me, why is it so difficult for me?
I hate having a bad attitude.. nobody likes anyone with a bad 'tude. I don't. ... I don't even like myself when I am like that. Gahh i'm a brat. :)
BUTTTT... In God's eyes i'm beautiful, i'm not perfect and He loves that... He uses moments like these to mold us and make us into His image - especially when we fall so short and so far from that.... like me... like I did.. today, yesterday, and heck.. the last 24yrs of my life! I'm tired of riding the negative nancy train....
But, someone brought an amazing new perspective into my life today.. we shall call him (venti black eye :)!!!) that God only made ONE of us. Out of billions of people he only made ONE OF ME! And one of me to love someone just like me.. how I feel, etc. What a concept.
So try to love yourself so you can love others the way GOD loves you and loves them too.
AHHHH!!!! I'm so fed up with myself! I'm tired of letting others define who I am, guilt trip me into being somebody and doing things I DO NOT WANT TO DO! No one else does it for you, so why should I? I'm tired of playing the games and just being "convenient" for other people. I'm not a doormat, I am not your tissue rag, I am NOT your last resort.
I let things just build up, and keep building until they explode and I embarrass myself. I need to learn how to keep myself in check and not let things get to me so badly like they do. People are just looking out for number one, they do not care about you or your issues or your anything unless it is convenient or benefiting them.
I, too, am like this for other people... I try not to be. However, I just always jump to conclusion and feel like I use people for my benefit - i don't want to... its how our sinful nature is. We let it win.
I struggle to wonder if there is any good in the world. I let all the people who don't really matter control and define how I look at myself. I should not! Who is the person who says I am or am not pretty? I am or am not fat? I am or am not stupid? I talk to much? I'm annoying?
Nobody.... you are supposed to define yourself in Christ.... we fall so short of that and just get preoccupied with how others view us and then we BELIEVE it! Oh how sad.
No entiendo porque estamos creendo en las cosas que no tienen significa en este vida!
Oh how good it feels to vent. :) I wish I could be such more of a positive, genuine person. I don't like or take joy in hurting peoples feelings, or being jealous... I wish I could be genuine and happy and thankful for people and things. God is so holy and gracious to me, why is it so difficult for me?
I hate having a bad attitude.. nobody likes anyone with a bad 'tude. I don't. ... I don't even like myself when I am like that. Gahh i'm a brat. :)
BUTTTT... In God's eyes i'm beautiful, i'm not perfect and He loves that... He uses moments like these to mold us and make us into His image - especially when we fall so short and so far from that.... like me... like I did.. today, yesterday, and heck.. the last 24yrs of my life! I'm tired of riding the negative nancy train....
But, someone brought an amazing new perspective into my life today.. we shall call him (venti black eye :)!!!) that God only made ONE of us. Out of billions of people he only made ONE OF ME! And one of me to love someone just like me.. how I feel, etc. What a concept.
So try to love yourself so you can love others the way GOD loves you and loves them too.
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