Hard Heart vs. A Back Bone

Lately, I have been finding myself wondering how you can get a back bone and not harden your heart at the same time?
Its so hard to stand up for yourself, and not come across as being rude or mean.  Having a hard heart is such a bad thing to do, because breaking that hardness comes with a price and doesn't come easy.

Our heart is an incredibly precious thing.  Its a gift.  We must guard it and take care of it and try to make it be the heart God intended to be.  He doesn't give it to us so we can use it for evil... so we can just turn it into an icy, cold mess.  He didn't give it to us for us to hold our harshness, or keep our love from others.  Our hearts are supposed to be tender and sensitive to the needs of others.
However, when others are responding in the opposite way, offending and harsh, how is it that we can guard ourselves against it?  How can we protect ourselves from being crushed and scarred?
Its an inevitable thing, that you are going to get your heart broken.  You are going to get it scarred.  You are going to get hurt.  I don't know of anyway to get around it... but in those times are when you learn the most from God.  But, for the most part, we tend to hardened our hearts towards certain people/areas and turn cold.  We run.  We put our hearts back in the box that God gifted us with when we were made and close it back up.
I fall into this category all too well..
My mom has always described it as me always going back into my castle.  I can hide in this big castle and no one can get to me.
I put my heart in my "castle walls made of stone", where I can see people in the fields around me....I have my moat and no one can trespass unless I let down the gate.  I stand at the top of my tower, and I see everyone and keep them at a distance...its safe there.. it may be cold, but its safe.  If its a castle, obviously there is no light...but if God is our light and our salvation, how can we reside in such circumstances?  We cannot.
But it is so hard to not jump back inside.... so hard not to reel back in the chains that are letting down that gate to let people inside.  Its easier to keep that gate up and not put forth the effort to let it down.

How can we find the balance between the two?  Hardened heart vs. Being strong for your heart

We can only pray that God would give us the wisdom and discernment between the two.  I always find myself guarding it in the wrong way, and shielding off people because I am always disappointed.
However, that is wrong.. what if one day you shield off the wrong person, and that is someone who God has put in your path - well, who am I kidding?!?! Everyone is put in your path for a reason... so we shouldn't do that to anyone (within reason! aka. don't befriend someone who is crossing the line... just pray for them!).
Everything happens for a reason, everyone happens for a reason.... everyone is there for  a reason.  God gives and God takes away.  We learn.. we live... we are supposed to love.
Thank you Jesus for not assuming how we are, and who we are, and what we will do!  Thank you for knowing and accepting even when you knew before we were created all that was going to happen and you love us in spite of it all!!!!!!
Thank you for NOT guarding Your heart against us when we have wronged you.  Where would we be without YOUR LOVE?!?!?!

So, pray to God to show you how YOU are supposed to love and trust.  Its not easy, but maybe let down the gate and have a feast in your castle, and you might just be surprised about the many wonderful things that come from that. Thank you Jesus that WE are not the ones to guard our hearts - You guard it for us.

I am loved by my Father.. I am loved as Your daughter.. I am held by your spirit and in your arms I can run.. I am scarred and I am broken.. my own strength I have none.. still I am loved by my Father and in HIS arms I will run.